How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
