I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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