Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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