so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
