I met the friendliest cop last night
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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