Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
