Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
the liver wants what the liver wants
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
