He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
