i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
