I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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