i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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