My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
His nipple licking is glorious
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