I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
