i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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