Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is wine microwaveable?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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