my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
