you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
