i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
