the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
