I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
