I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
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It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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