Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
