so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
