i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We had to coat check the pizza.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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