chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
