So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
His nipple licking is glorious
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