go do what you do best...puke behind churches
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize