Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Rumble strips road head = magical
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize