It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
