as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
