Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
