I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
