WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
