I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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