im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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