He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
