I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
