ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
