I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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