If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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