Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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