omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize