Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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