you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't deserve a penis
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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