ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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