Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
