Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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