alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
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