I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
