Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
