I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She bit a glass in half.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
