Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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