this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
