what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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