chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
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We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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