y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
